Six

So here I am minding my own business when I discover I have a superpower. And it's not the greatest sort of thing I can't fight crime with it because it takes some time to have an effect on people, but it feels like a superpower none the less. I have the ability to make men want me to the point of ruining current and future relationships with other women. Right now I would like to focus on my top six: my current boyfriend, two former lovers, my most recent ex, neighbor, and a former coworker.
We'll start backwards shall we: My former coworker, let's call him Loki has recently found himself a single father and in need a fun night out with a lot of liquor and a slightly awkward morning after. I have become this for him. Or at least he wants me to be. I will admit, that all of these poor entrapped were coerced by me. I'm a flirt. At first. After a little while of getting to know them I pull back and go into friend mode, and they never notice the switch. I'm beginning to this I should come with a warning label. We spent two hours discussing how we were going to rent a hotel to go "hang out" to play drinking games. Which threw me for a loop because I thought we'd be going to his home so when I got too drunk I could lock myself in a bathroom and pass out. He's now talking about a small room with just the two of us. How did we go from Circle of Death to sex?
Next my neighbor: "Simon". This is equal parts my fault and his. We both came home at the same after separate nights out drinking and thought it would be a good idea to finally break the sexual tension. Now every few months he'll want to recreate that evening. We even spent a summer's worth of evenings locked in each others embrace. But he never wants to go together.
My most recent ex: "Dakota" He was the love of my life for several months, I was young. He was younger. When I knew what I wanted out of life and he was still figuring it out I didn't have the patience to wait. Now he tells me he wishes he could find another girl just like me.
The first of two lovers: "Harry" I was his mistress for nearly a year. His girlfriend started working with us just to keep an eye on him. We hated each other. Now after they've had a child together he still can't propose for fear of missing out on something better.
The second of two lovers: "DJ" He is my most favorite. I wish I could let him go, and I'm sure he feels the same way, but we are drawn to each other in a way that is terrifyingly exciting. I was his mistress as well. I shouldn't say he was a former lover. He still is my lover. His girlfriend of nearly a decade despised me from the depths of her soul. I was a threat to what she believed to be hers. I could have saved her the trouble if she had only asked, he was never hers to begin with. No matter how many times he said "I love you" and truly believed he meant them, pat of him wanted to know what else was out there. He joked the last time we met that we will still be meeting under suspicious circumstances and lying to our respective spouses about where we've been and whom we've been with. When we both know that, that is true, why bother? Let's just get married and save ourselves a lot of heartache and money and marry each other. He's still damaged and a bit thick. He doesn't understand that if he asked me to I would follow him anywhere.
Last, but certainly not least my current boyfriend: "Ike" He refuses to tell me he loves me. After nearly two years, he won't say it, and in our last fight he sort of threw it in my face that I say it to him, but he doesn't feel like it's true. When we're in bed he will worship my body like a pagan priest at a temple. He does sweet things and makes me laugh. But he gets jealous, when I have not given him reason to be, he knows nothing of my exploits before him except for Dakota, and he hates him without cause. Just him speaking to me online sends him into a frenzy of ape like proportions.
Of these men five have had the pleasure of my company in their beds, two have said they loved me, and only two are still graced with my touch (I'm not being a snob here. It is what I have ascertained from my interactions with them.) If you've made it this far and are wondering what in the world my point was, it was simply this. I have a superpower, but it isn't grand nor is it convenient, it causes me heartache and sadness and will mostly likely be the reason I will be alone. I am the embodiment of lust.  

I have no idea what I'm doing.

So I misnamed this blog. I didn't realize it until now. So I can either start again, Or keep it as is. Unless of course anyone knows a way to change blog titles. Because you know, I am so lost when it comes to the whole, blogging things...thing. Also, with life I have no idea what I'm doing. Well, I shouldn't say with life, I know what I want, I just have no idea how to get it, balance working a job that pays me regularly, spending time with the boyfriend, friends and family. I love acting. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be an entertainer. A singer, doing musical theatre, television, being an action hero, I even spent time wanting to be the villain. I still do, being the bad guy can be a lot of fun. But of course, the entertainment business is all about who you know. I my best and only connections are PAs whom I don't want to get fired by asking them to push their desperate friend's headshot and resume all over Hollywood. Or what passes for Hollywood here where I live.
And the worst road block that I have run into is my adoring boyfriend, who fears that all of my acting pursuits will dive a wedge between us, because it will keep up from spending time together. which yes it will. But he knew I was an artist when we started dating. The fact that I am seriously starting to focus on my dream career should not be a surprise to him, but every time I mention an audition he gets edgy. His first thought is always well what about us? When am I going to see you? How much time is this going to take up? I'm starting to wonder if I should even tell him about them at all. And these are just auditions. I haven't even been cast yet. I mentioned thinking about taking a dance class and he added that into the equation of a possible show I was wanting to be in and it turned into this whole big thing.
Why? Because he got all butt hurt about how much time ti would take up without even bothering to ask how much time it would take up. He didn't ask questions he just jumped to conclusions. We spent almost three weeks having painfully long discussions about the things that were bothering him. From his point of view everything was my fault, from my point of view everything was his fault and end the nothing got resolved. Because I'm not going to not audition for shows or looking for an agent or any other ridiculous thing that could possibly make me miserable because he doesn't see how I can still so all that and spend time with him. I don't either, but I plan on making it happen. And I know anyone reading this would just say drop him and do what I want, but when you love someone you make things work no matter how crazy they can get.
That's all I've got for now.

Well here goes....

My best friend of over 12 years, has talked me into starting a blog, yet again. One the one hand I know he's right, I need a place to vent and to get out my creativeness. On the other hand I dislike typing and did not want a google + account. I am trying to unplug not go further into the system! But apparently adding more data to the system will help keep the NSA off my ass. Hiding makes them mad.
But whatever, this is my third attempt at writing a blog. The first was mostly a fan fiction/soap opera with some movie and television reviews. The second was movie only movie reviews. This one is going to be whatever randomness life decides to throw at me: my crazy, and at random times, overly jealous boyfriend. My struggles with writers block and attempting to start my acting career. My family life and working for a company that actually cares if I am unhappy, but is still out to make money. Also my growing confusion with myself and what I really want in order for me to be happy. The more I think about it the more selfish I realize I am and that makes me kind of sad. But then isn't everyone?
I'm starting to make myself sad which was not the point of this. I also hope to post excerpts from the book series I'm writing. It is a big ole clusterf**k and it is my life. It may seem like this blog makes no sense because I'll jump from happy to sad to venting to writing, and intertwining and possibly overlapping which is really the point, because my life seems to make no sense. And inside my head is much more crazy.